New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
