He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
