i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
