i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
