yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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