why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
