this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
