I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
