just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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