i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
