I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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