I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize