i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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