How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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