Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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