it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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