Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
