dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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