I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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