I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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