R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
