I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize