I think i peed on brittanys purse
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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