At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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