Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
