I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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