i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
