Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
