Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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