She is in my trunk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
