I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't turn off my feet"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
