We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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