yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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