Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
