As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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