it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
