: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
