Taylor Swift is so right about you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
