Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
