# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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