As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm at about main and main street
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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