I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize