How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i love accidental penises.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
