you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
