Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
