she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I touched a dick in church today
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
