I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
