im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love you. Go after that dick
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
