despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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