the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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