Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
