Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
