Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
