I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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