I'm so fucking centered right now
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
