return my video game
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
