Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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