The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
