His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
