Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
