Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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