I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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