A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
