I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
