I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
