I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
