i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
