nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
